Halloween Party Saturday

The band!

Well, the Saturday before Halloween turned into a fun night. It started off about the same except this time, I could get dressed in my Halloween costume: a goth/vampire girl. Essentially, my costume was a one piece, black micromini dress, black textured hose and knee-high leather boots with a wicked silver metal stilletto. Add to that some nylon mesh on top, heavy eye makeup and fangs, I think it turned out all right (at least I was told by others it looked good. I really need to try and remember to take some self-portraits while I'm out...). Anyway, I'll probably wind up wearing much the same outfit back to 'Bout Time sometime in the future because what I consider dress-up, some girls wear each week... :)

So we wound up hanging at BT for most of the night (Amanda, Beth and Stacey, where are ya'll? :) I talked to 2 great girls for most of the night (I want to say hi! to Teresa and Denise: thanks for the beer!) when Marci came in around 11pm dressed as one of the flower girls that make their way through the nightclubs. The costume looked great as people were asking to buy some of her flowers. Marci gave me directions to a party that she has been going to for the last 4 yrs on the Sat. preceeding Halloween. She said that they would love us there and we should go after the bar closes.

2am comes and Adrianne and I make our way to the party. It was a short jaunt from BT; less than 5 mins. We got there and I had my normal butterflies whenever I have to interact w/the straight public (we pulled in behind 2 guys who were just hanging out by their car. It wasn't giving me warm fuzzies).

So we wound up parking quite a way from the entrance. We decided to "lesbian" the effort, only bringing with us our lip gloss (I really didn't have anywhere to put anything else. Skin tight outfits tend to do that... :) Adrianne was dressed as the naughty school girl with a plaid micromini, fishnets and a tied, white shirt. We get to the front and find out that they are carding people as they go in. Well, we both had to walk all the way back to the car to get our ids (which, for me, by this time, my feet were killing in these boots...)

We walk back to the front and the bouncer lets us by. But there was a price. A drop-dead gorgeous girl dressed as a fairy/butterfly said she wouldn't let us through unless Adrianne showed her boobs. Well, that wasn't a problem for Adrianne (there wasn't much of her costume covering her there) and Adrianne pulled her top up, exposing her breasts to the butterfly's accepting laughter. Then she said I had to do the same. Well, I had on 3 layers mesh that all had to be pulled from the bottom, including the one-piece dress. The only way I would have been able to expose them would have been to completely pull up the dress. So I kinda danced around it a bit and asked if I could just get by on a feel instead of a show. She reached across and gave my left boob a squeeze and said "That'll work..."

We got in to the 2nd line waiting to get in and found out that we needed to make a donation to the charity. Well, I had to walk all the way back to the car again to get money and came back to pay. We finally made it in to the party and pulled up a spot just to the right of the band (pic above).

We hung out there until 3:15 or so as Adrianne had to hit the road to go back to Ft. Hood. We were getting all kinds of stares (good, I might add) and I talked to the guy who was throwing the party. There were *lots* of gorgeous girls in costume there and it was fun watching them watch us. :) All in all, it turned out to be quite a fun night.

Mission Impossible I: I'm back!

Listening to Fix You by Coldplay

Whew! I just got back from a month long trip to a secret destination on double-super-secret business (because, as you might know, we "undercover" girls are a real boon for the government nowadays...) and since I already had the GwnnMobile outfitted with the latest in stealthy, anti-spy technology, I guess I was a natural fit for the Feds...

Well, lots of interesting things happened during my "Tour O' Danger," I'm calling it. But let's see if I can actually remember some of those things (as you might guess, too many "shaken not stirred" vodka martinis don't exactly allow the cerebral recall mechanisms to work very well...):

- Item: El Mexicado; River City approx. 9/11: Met up with covert operative, "009" Erin, who greeted me with a plain manilla envelope with a picture of the person to be trailed inside (well, it so happened it turned out to be the picture to the right of Erin, but indulge me here...). I had a feeling the barkeep, known only as "The Bartender" to me, was slipping me Mickeys (well, Michelob Ultras, actually) in an attempt to loosen me up so I might reveal some double-super-secret information (I distinctly remember her asking me where we planned on going that night. Hmm...). Another covert operative, "Photogecko" Jon (remember, I'm protecting the names of the not-so-innocent here :), a photographer known for his exquisite and beautifully humane treatments of models being interrogated, steps in through the squeaky, one-way door of the establishment. After passing "The Hostess," "Photogecko" bellied up to the bar next to "009" and discussed the "interrogation" of Erin that happened earlier that week. Eventually, "Photogecko" attempted to sway me to the same sort of "interrogation" to which we decided we would do at some point in the future (what can I say, I might be able to take "interrogation" well... ;)

We then lit out in the GwnnMobile to 6th Street to see "Blue Eyes" Dianna and "HotGirl" Rachelle, both of who were minding the downstairs bar at the Pearl Safety Pin. On the plus side, I now think I've earned the confidence of the strongman Otto "The Accent" so I don't have to show my covert credentials (driver's license) to gain entry into the establishment.

- Item: Chokey's; River City approx. 9/10: I met up with "Maria Conchita" Ramona at her lavish uptown estate. Once past the remote control cameras and killer pit bulls, I swooshed by the robotic doortroll and gained entry to the media room. "Maria Conchita" was still getting ready so I decided to change outfits (I was originally wearing a black fringe mini, black mesh top and killer 3" stilettos) into something more in line with the locals (black mesh top, flared jeans and killer 3" stilettos). "Maria Conchita" came out with a zebra-striped "zoot" jacket and black pants. We rode the golf cart across the perfectly manicured greens and hopped in the GwnnMobile for some covert survelliance of downtown nightlife.

Our first stop, a dive called Drive Shaft, took a bit of convincing to get the doortroll to lower the cover, which he did after looking at our official credentials. Inside, the smoke-filled and musty air lent a element of danger to the men surrounding the bar in the shadows. "Maria Conchita" and I were the only girls there and we stuck out like a black cat on a snowdrift (remind me to speak to Central Control about their intelligence. It seems their intelligence gathering capabilities are about as good as the CIA's on WMDs. I'll have to speak to PenneyMoney about that when I turn in the GwnnMobile for the next round of spy upgrades...).

We got a tip that there was something about to go down at Chokey's so we ran (well, walked as fast as I could on 3" stilettos :) to the GwnnMobile and hit the afterburner to get across town. Once there, it seemed that "The Illuminatous" figured out we were there and started pumping "Maria Conchita" full of vodka and Cokes and it seemed I was slipped a few Mickeys as well. We pulled in a location that afforded a high view of the dance floor and watched "The Illuminatous" minions dance in a hellish relish of revelry. While there, a minion told me something I'd never heard before. He said that "I was the most convincing and natural girl he had ever met and he knew everyone." That statement puzzled me as I still see myself as a gawky, lanky, uncoordinated git but I guess the training is starting to help.

We closed the bar out without any major events (other than it seemed that "The Illuminatous" slipped a chemical into "Maria Conchita's" drinks that facilitated a loss of motor skills on the way back to the GwnnMobile). I drove "Maria Conchita" back to her estate and walked her past her pit bulls (she seemed to have forgot the pass phrase "SQUEAMISH OSSIFRAGE" that puts the killer pit bulls to sleep immediately. Score one for PennyMoney at Headquarters for that nugget of info!)

- Item: The Pearl Safety Pin; River City approx. 9/29: "009" and I decided to split up for the night to monitor "The Illuminatous" minions at 2 different establishments. I was directed by Headquarters to head north to 'Bout What? while "009" headed south to the drunk, fratboy infested 6th street. No sooner had I shown up at 'Bout What?, "009" came in and said plans had changed. We ran into the other Austin operatives Amanda "The Look", Angela "The Angel", Rikki "The Buff" and "Beautiful" Beth. This was quite the cadre of secret undercover operatives all gathered in one place. Thankfully, "The Illuminatous" didn't know about our secret hideout and wasn't present to do something harmful (as one well placed giant fan would have just ruined our hair and makeup!)

"009" convinced me that it would be better if we both went to 6th street to monitor the goings-on so we left in separate government-issued vehicles (I in the GwnnMobile; "009" in the ErinMobileII).

We hit the Pearl Safety Pin at the height of "The Illuminatous" revelry. Hundreds of drunk fratboys and sorority girls lined the street. "The Accent" let us in through the side entrance (that's where the important people go in... ;) and I made my way in to see if "Blue Eyes" was tending to the sorrows of "The Illuminatous" distraught. I already knew that "HotGirl" was out of town so I wouldn't be able to see her. I went up the stairs in the back and peered through the transparent aluminum wall to locate "Blue Eyes." Tonight, crossdressed in feminine menswear and topped with a Red Fedora, she was at the downstairs bar throwing drinks like a professional card dealer in Vegas throwing a game of 21. I turned back to see if "009" was behind me and when I looked forward again, "Blue Eyes" had disappeared. Must be out on a smoke break.

Back to the front and my senses caught the flash of red going by my face and the sweet, perfumy mix of Obsession and Frangelico which meant that "Blue Eyes" just passed by. With a slight whisper in my voice, I called out to her across the din of live music.

"Blue Eyes!", I said. "You're looking amazing as usual." Which is always the truth.

She came down the 3 stairs to my level and we shared a friendly embrace. "Gwnn, so nice to see you. I'll be right back. Have some business to tend to upstairs..."

I'll be honest. Out of all the people I've met so far, "Blue Eyes" seems to be the most... hmm... real? person I've met. She seems to be just right there for you and as I've said before, has a charisma that makes you feel like you are the center of the universe for those few fleeting moments you speak with her. There's that air of mystery mixed with utter approachability wrapped in a beautiful innocence that I've met so rarely in the past. She's an intoxicating individual and even if it's only for a few seconds, it always seems to make my night... Oops... Sorry, didn't mean to move so tangentially...

Geez, I just looked at how long this post is. I'll leave it unfinished for now...

'Bout Time we were back...

Listening to "Midnight Radio" by Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Well, I decided to stop my obsession with Chyler Leigh just long enough to make it out to the "real" world tonight. Real, in this sense, is purely subjective. It was real enough that I was actually part of the experience but yet, I'm still not quite in the experience, if you know what I mean...

Let me try to explain... Even though I've been going out for about 2 yrs as Gwnn, it still almost feels like what happens while I'm out is not happening to me but that easily-packed-up-and-hidden alter-ego. I would think that it would almost be a danger sign of split personalities but it is still tangibly me, just dressed a bit differently than normal... I guess it's hard to explain unless you've been there... :)

Anyway, tonight was a good night as I got to start out with seeing Diane working the bar (although, it seemed she wasn't in the best of spririts as her boyfriend was there and it seemed that there was a bit of tension there...). Now that Diane has this blog address, I'll have to be more careful of what I say about her... ;) (As if I would ever say anything other than she rocks and that I'm so glad that I know her.)

I met Erin at Diane's work and I tossed back a few while watching the first quarter of the first preseason game of the Dallas Cowboys which just happens to be one of the few things I care about in Dallas (In order: Family, Stars, Cowboys...) I made arrangements to meet up with Stacey at 10pm at 'Bout Time so after the few drinks I had, Erin and I headed out to BT.

One word; crowded. Turns out there was a lesbian benefit (from the best I could gather, a lesbian had a spat of health problems and was under a bit of debt.) Some of the other girls decided to have a benefit and boy, did people turn out! I've never seen that many people there. It was hot, sticky and shoulder-to-shoulder all night. I got the chance to meet all kinds of new people and collected quite a few compliments to help my always-low self-esteem (I actually heard from no less than 4 people that I was the best-looking girl there. I would call that high praise as there were quite a few gorgeous girls milling about (Hi, Catherine and best wishes on the wedding!).

Stacey shows up a bit later than planned (11pm, but she was picking out the right outfit; I can so sympathize...) and she looked incredible. A nice light-blue cami with dark jeans and just higher than kitten heels. Perfectly Austin. (Hmm, it was quite close to what I was wearing; pink silk cami, dark jeans and stiletto heels. I guess great minds think alike!) We pulled up a seat on the covered-over pool table and did our best butt-dancing for the rest of the night. Even Erin was kicking in w/the dancing; something I've never seen before. All-in-all, I think everyone had a good night.

The moral of this night? I can't wait for SCC now. It seems that Gwnn is just starting to open up to the world and not really care what other ppl are thinking. That can only mean good things for not only the people who will be involved at SCC (Stacey, Amanda and maybe Adrianne, I'm talking to you... ;) but also for myself. Hopefully, there will be a day soon that I will just be able to be Gwnn and not have a nervous breakdown each time I go out.

Argh, this post sucks but I guess that's what you get for drinking and writing... Well, I guess I'll leave you with a picture of my latest <short-term>obsession</short-term> and inspiration. Until next time...

I'll have a side of redneck with that...

Listening to Burn by Ray LaMontagne

So last night was the first time Gwnn went to Austin's row of straight bars filled with drunk fratdaddy's and tourists, the infamous 6th street. It started off normal enough with having to duck around the neighbors as they went in and out of their side of the house but this time was a bit worse than most. The night was supposed to start at 5:30pm but I didn't wind up leaving 'til after 7. But I bolted out the crimson drawdoor on the GwnnMobileHome and it was into the freshly-polished-by-Ukrainian-garden-gnomes Gwnnmobile for the quick, 5-minute jaunt to Austin's version of the tourist trap...

I met Erin and Diane at Rain on 4th to catch the last few songs from Hedda Layne. I can't tell you just how good Hedda is. If you're ever in Austin, you should do yourself a favor and catch her act. Her style of music (a fusion of dance, jazz and electronica) is the perfect way to start out a night. I just really wish that she had some later shows as it would give me something to look forward to for the night. Having to stop at 7:30pm gets you all jazzed to party up but when you finally do achieve your buzz, she's been done for an hour and you're left with the standard fare of mundane dance music.

Anyway, I walk into Rain and find Diane and Erin tucked up nicely against the multicolor lighted stage. Looking around, I only notice 2 other ppl I know; Hedda and Nadine (of which I just met this last week). I order a light beer and slam it in about 5 minutes to get Gwnn's head in the right place (which I quickly followed with another Mick Ultra).

Nadine comes by to say hello (she's working the bar tonight) and she tells us that her and some of her friends will be going to Charlie's for a benefit drag show and asks if we would like to show up there later. Diane and Erin seemed interested and since it didn't start for another 4 hours, we put it on the schedule.

We departed Rain after Hedda stopped (did I mention go see her?) and headed down to South Congress Cafe to grab some munchies. We had to eat quick as Diane had an unpaid "training" class where she works and we couldn't get her there late. With just a few minutes to spare, we got Diane to her work while Erin and I tried to find parking (which is always close to impossible to find downtown at night...). Some 30 mins later, we had a great parking space about 50 ft from the entrance to Lovejoy's. It was serendipity in action (more on that later)...

We walked the 2 1/2 blocks down to Diane's work and then went upstairs to wait for her training class to finish. Three hours tick off the clock and they finally finish up. To us, it just looked like it was just a class on how to pour drinks in this certain establishment (Diane's one of the bartenders...). So at 12:30am, we gain a few more members for our 6th street posse and it's off to the Co-Ed bar to meet up with Alicia's friend.

We have a drink at Co-Ed, a fairly non-descipt bar for 6th street and then at about 1:15am, we move out to LoveJoy's so the girls can play some pool. We get there and I get carded (always love showing the Bubba license to the door troll as Gwnn looks nothing like Bubba's picture...) and I join the girls at the pool table. We now have a pretty nice little group being comprised of Erin and Diane, Diane's friends Alicia and Jessie as well as a few other ppl I met only briefly from the Co-Ed bar.

2am hits and we're kicked out. Now here's one of the reasons I hate living in Texas and the reason for this post. We're standing outside LoveJoy's trying to figure out what to do next when 4 drunk fratdaddy's walk up the street and start hitting on Diane, Alicia and Jessie. They all ask the guys to keep moving but the beligerent drunks just ignore the quite clear signals the girls were sending. Well, push comes to shove (literally) and it degrades into a loud, drunken, slurred-speech-redneck-hairball of cuss words, polyester and denim. I asked the chicken-shit bouncer at LoveJoy's to come out and assist the girls in getting rid of the drunk rednecks of which he came out for 3 minutes and went back inside saying things like "Well, if that girl wants to fight, I'm not going to stop her." and "It looks like the transvestite is starting something so I'll let him finish it." A total dereliction of duty, in my opinion. (BTW, he was talking about Erin who was waist-deep in the hairball and I don't think he realized that I was also of that ilk when he said that to us...)

Things work themselves out and everyone disbands to the far corners of 6th street to pickup their cars and meet at Diane's. I was the lucky one who got to drive Diane to her apartment, which was nice as she was the main reason why I went out in the first place.

Just a bit about Diane (which, if you ever read this Diane, email me!). Diane is intimidatingly beautiful and extremely sharp and quick-witted. You can tell that she really cares about what she's talking about with you as she has that great charisma that makes you feel like she's talking just to you even if the room is crowded. I'm awed by her strong self-confidence and wish that I had just a smidgen of that confidence for myself. Plus it helps that she has the Kiss action figures... I have to admit I've got a bit of a crush... ;)

So we get back to Diane's and Jessie shows up in pretty quick order. Soon afterward, Erin and Alicia show up and the inaugural 6th Street Grrls posse is once again complete.

And so we come to my low point of the night; the end. Gwnn comes off as a bit anti-social in the clubs as Bubba has just never had much fun there. Gwnn would love to dance but doesn't know how; would love sing karaoke but can't carry a tune; loves to talk but hates to scream. Gwnn is so much more comfortable with a few people where conversations can carry w/o blowing a vocal cord. And that's what we had when we finally got back to Diane's. But, great moments don't last forever so at least I got to enjoy that 15 mins. which made the entire evening worth all the trouble for me.

I so hope that I get another chance to go out with the inaugural 6th Street Grrl posse again but maybe on more friendly turf. It would have been nice to meet up with Nadine, Lexie and Rachael at Charlie's but there is always next time.

Out with the girls...

Listening to "Sunday Afternoon" by Rachael Yamagata

Well, your intrepid "undercover" reporter met up with some friends last night for drinks. The entire night went incredibly well except for leaving the house.

I live in a 2 unit development where our neighbors share the same front porch. Normally, that would be ok but there are no other points of exit on our side (no back door, a side door that leads out to the front and no garage, alley). So when it comes time to leave, I have to pass right by their usually open front door (and usually their dogs go nuts over the "new" person who's walking by). I really need to tell them but one of them has a small child and I'm just not sure how to address that.

So, because of that, I had to leave a bit later than I wanted (8:30 vs. 7:30). I'm on my way out the door and I get a call from one of the coolest people I know, Jody. Turns out she's hanging out at the 20's club and was wanting me to get my lazy ass up there before they had to leave for the night. Well, I had plans to meet Erin at El Mercado for a drink or two beforehand and told Jody that I would grab Erin and we'd head up there. I chugged a beer, took a deep breath, opened the door and walked swiftly by my neighbor's open door (thankfully, noone was standing there which has happened before... :) I jumped in the Gwnnmobile and headed to El Mercado.

I tried calling Erin to see if she just wanted to meet at 20's but she didn't pick up. Strange...

I got to El Mercado and did my best "walk-in-with-confidence" act. I have a hard time looking people in the eye anyway and even moreso when out as Gwnn but this time I just peered right back at anyone who looked at me on the way in. Seemed to work ok... I informed Erin we needed to leave pronto but she wasn't finished with her drink and she already bought me my favorite drink. Well, we wound up chugging both and leaving within 5 minutes. We said bye to one of the cutest bartenders in Quirksville, Brittany, and made our way to 20's.

We get to 20's and Margaret is belting out the standards (Margaret is truly one of Quirksville's best jazz singers and I highly recommend that *everyone* go and see her if you get a chance). I'm surprised to see that Cynthia, my favorite bartender, is working. I thought she didn't work there anymore as I hadn't seen her in nearly a month. I'm so glad she was there (although I was a bit rude later as I didn't get a chance to say bye...) and shared with her a story that I had been dying to confirm with her for a month (that I thought I saw her walking down a downtown street early on a Friday morning a few weeks past).

After getting a drink, I joined the girls at a table. To my surprise, Brandy and Paula were out as well and they were sitting with Jody and Sybil. It seems like forever since I've seen Brandy and Paula (even though it was only a month ago... I hate getting older... :) And with Margaret pounding out the music and our table right next to a speaker, it was a bit awkward trying to talk across the table. Eventually, I made it over to the bench seat next to Jody and Sybil. Since I'm pressed for time, I won't get into details of our conversations (which were interesting things like if you're a guy and you're attracted to a guy dressed as a girl, does that make you gay?) Hehe, I'll save those conversations for later (good for blackmail... ;)

God, I'm glad that Jody and Sybil could make it out as I just have *so* much fun with them. But the long and short of it was we left a bit early (as it is a school night for most of us) and Erin and I decided to head back. But I will share one more thing. We decided to stop in at Charlie's just to see if we knew anybody (as Thurs. they have a regular drag show). We didn't see anybody we knew but we were there a bit early so I think the girls started coming out after we left (esp. with the IFGE convention in town). But on the way back to the car, we walked by some reflective windows and I looked over. I was surprised to see this attractive girl looking back. I almost didn't recognize her but I watched how she moved, looked at the body and details and was just taken aback. It was the first time I had ever really seen Gwnn as "Gwnn the girl" instead of "Gwnn the Impersonator." It was a rush! I'm such a dork... ;)

Anyway, I'm outta here. I'm supposed to be going out again tonight so maybe I'll have something to post tomorrow.

Followed...

Listening to "Letter Read" by Rachael Yamagata

Well, as my first really unwelcome revelation to being perceived as female in our society, I was actually followed home by someone on Saturday night after leaving a club. I noticed him following me from pretty much the parking lot of the club but since it was 2am, I couldn't just drop the hammer on the Gwnnmobile and outrun him as I wanted to keep a low profile and not get pulled over (I had a secret jet engine along with an oil slick nozzle and smoke screen installed on the Gwnnmobile last week just for this purpose...)

Most of my female friends I've had over the years have told me stories of being followed home and harrassed by guys calling and the like. Looking at it from a male perspective, I used to know people who would do things like that and think the motives are usually harmless and it wasn't a big deal... And then it happens to you and the entire perspective changes. You don't know what the intentions are. It's pretty scary...

So after having him follow me about 10 miles down the highway, I pulled off and thought I'd throw him off the trail. I pulled in to a 24hr drive thru and bought some late night munchies and watched him circle around the parking lot and park on the street. Once I got my food, I watched the light on Main street and timed my departure to where I would just barely get through legally (I happen to know the timing on this one light fairly well, so I punched it through to where he couldn't get through w/o running the light) and then went through a large southern neighborhood before getting back on the highway to motor home. I was kinda bummed as I didn't get to use any of the secret upgrades on the Gwnnmobile but I guess I might get an opportunity again sometime in the future (I hope not, tho).

Well, on a lighter note, there's going to be a convention here this week and I'm hoping to have some good party anecdotes to post. As well as I should have my first meeting with a counselor specializing in gender issues. Should be an interesting week...

Off to the dance...

[Continuation of Samba, anyone?]

I stealthily sneak out of my wonderfully kitschy, South Quirksville bungalow and head due north to Erin's place. While rounding the bend to merge on to the highway, my foot slips off the brake pedal and I nearly wind up ass-kissing the Mercedes in front of me. Hmm... Number 276 on the list of "What's different while you're a girl." Driving a car in heels, especially stilettos...

I always used to wonder why I seemed to notice that some women drivers would sometimes accelerate too fast or not brake as gracefully as others on the road and I'm now convinced on what that cause is. It's the heels. Put me in flats and I can drive like Mario Andretti. Put me in a 3" stiletto and I suddenly become Public Driving Menace #1. God help us if there's a clutch...

I pull into Erin's place and leave the GwnnMobile for the night. Luckily for society at large, Erin has volunteered to drive which will keep a probably tipsy Gwnn off the road for the night. Stepping into Erin's tastefully appointed home, I get the "Critical Eye" and I expect a bit of constructive criticism on what I could do to improve.

"You did quite well tonight, I'm surprised," Erin says with subtle laugh in her voice and prize-winning smile. "But I want you to try on this skirt. It'll be perfect for tonight and will go very well with what you're wearing."

Erin then brings out a black suede mini with a bit of a tulip hem on it. Now before you get all concerned about wearing a suede mini and how awful that might look, being 5'9" and 145lbs and usually fitting into a size 4 in most designers, I can pretty much wear any of the latest styles. Comparing to some famous celebrities bodies, I would say that Gwnn's is a close match to Jennifer Garner (Gwnn's namesake and inspiration ;) who has a lean, athletic build and at times, and can look a bit boyish as well. So while it was a true curse growing up, I'm now thankful that all those years of lifting weights and playing soccer didn't add bulky inches to Gwnn's body. And I'm sure the general public is probably thankful now as well.

So I slide into the suede mini which Erin got for a spectacular price (XOXO suede mini for $10, marked down from $110. Where does she find these bargains?) and while being a bit big in the waist (which most skirts are on a "boy-shaped" girl), the fit below the waist was perfect. The sheer top with the hot little suede skirt, sheer black hose and stiletto heels screamed "Salsa, Baby!" It's just too bad that Gwnn can't dance... ;)

We jump into the ErinMobile and head due south for Central Quirksville where the big event is to be held, all the while Gwnn's doing her best to not let this event tie up her already knotted stomach. I'll still never get comfortable going out in public even though I've been doing it for almost 2 years now. Even though I've never had *any* problems other than a double-take or two, it just never gets easier. And unfortunately for Erin, she gets to deal with my paranoia...

"What if we can't get tickets? I mean, I don't want to walk all the way there with *people* around staring and pointing, you know. And what if I'm, like, the only grrl that shows up? Well, that shouldn't be a problem. There'll be some outrageous people there. They won't be looking..."

"Gwnn, did you not have a drink before you left?" knowing that it really makes Gwnn more tolerable early on if she's had a shot of alcohol to calm those fragile nerves.

"Umm, no... I forgot... Guess I should've made it a priority."

Before we can get into the dance, I need to get some cash to pay for it ($30 a ticket + alcohol once you get in) so we needed to find an ATM. We stop in at an ATM just down the street from the arena and Erin lets Gwnn get out (the ATM was on the driver's side). I look around and see that there are a few guys walking towards Threadgill's and jump out of the car. Adjusting my skirt while walking to the ATM, I feel like I'm about to go onstage as the light coming from Erin's car reminds me of footlights on a stage. Well, I guess that's appropriate as really, at time, it feels just like acting...

I get back in and Erin informs me that the guys walking down the street were "Checkin' me out." One thing I will forever be grateful about going out dressed like a girl is the understanding I now have about how truly lecherous guys generally are. On the one hand, yes, I'm wearing a suede mini with stilettos, so a fair amount of gawking has been asked for by me. But being a fairly attractive female, I do get "checked out" quite a bit. And those looks are different from the typical, everyday looks. Most of the time, it does make you feel a bit uncomfortable. Thankfully, I only do this part time but I can't imagine what it would be like 24/7, like it is for all women. I'll say it now, you all have my deepest sympathy...

Samba, anyone?

"Well, you could make a lot of money in Brazil," the slightly disheveled Brazilian party drunk quips. And with that, my night at Carnaval ends; an interesting comment that I'll remember the rest of my life.

This night was probably the most "important" night of Gwnn's short self-confidence building career. It started out like so many of the others, though. What to wear? A solid 2 1/2 hours of selecting, trying on and throwing into a will-put-them-back-up-on-hangers-later pile at the foot of the bed. After finally selecting a denim micromini with cranberry scarf as a belt and a sheer multicolor top (predominantly different shades of green; about as much Brazilian as the local New York & Company) with pointy stilettos, I give Erin a ring on the phone to let her know I'm on my way. Erin asks what I'm wearing and I go through a quick summary of the last 2 hours...

"Well, I started with a longer skirt than thought, well, a lot of people there won't be wearing much anyway. After all, we shouldn't be sticking out that much tonight... So I...."

"Ok, stop telling me what led up to your decision and tell me what you are going to wear..."

So I give the quick summary above.

"That's perfect. I happened to pick up a skirt that I think will fit you and will be perfect for tonight. So let's get moving..."

In Walks Jackie

[Make sure to read "The Introduction to Lou" first as this is a continuation of that post.]

I look over Lou's shoulder and do my best to not stare as she walks through the golden doors and into the bar. She looks once to the right, once to the left and proceeds forward down the small aisle between the bar and the tables. She's walking towards our table and I again feel the need for disconnect, just in case she happens to look my way. So I look off to the right, towards the barkeep and do my best to hide behind a little wisp of hair coming off the left side of my head.

For some reason, I have yet to get comfortable with talking to people. I guess I'm coming to understand a small, dark corner of the American female experience as I always seem to feel this judging eye everytime I walk into a room and notice the double takes. The double takes from guys are seemingly easier to handle as, at least to me, I feel like I can understand what they are actually thinking. What's harder from the guys are the comments. They are more likely to let loose an interesting "complimentary" quip given half a chance (and if they're an asshole). But women are a bit different. I almost get this feeling like I'm walking on some hallowed ground; like a New York Yankee on Fenway Park turf. A feeling like it's just someplace where I'm not supposed to be. I swear you can feel the mental dissection from head to toe. So when you decide to wear a tight pencil skirt, fitted blouse and stilettos with "smoky eye" makeup here in Austin, you can almost guarantee that the looks will be coming as most of the girls will just be "natural," something I feel I can't do as part-timer.

So this striking woman walks by our table. Ha-ha! I successfully hid myself from her view and I chalk up, to me, a small victory in my steadfastly lopsided war of self-conciousness. Lou reaches out and grabs the blonde's baby blue sweater at the elbow and now my stomach, which was slowly untying thanks to the alcohol finally kicking in, starts contracting again.

"Erin and Gwnn, this is Jackie. I call her Jack-qua."

I do my best to look her in the eyes while saying hello and I mumble my way through a standard greeting ("Umm, eem gwnn. Nis to meet ooo"). What makes it even harder is that I can feel my lipstick has worn off and I didn't have a chance to brush my hair since going out into the Texas gale to pursue the first part of my Alcohol Odyssey (mentioned in my first post). The reason I was in such sorry shape was that before I was sent to get the Golden Duckets from the Land of ATM, I had to run the gauntlet of the Cis to use the facilities.

Now, I bet some of you wonder what we do if we need to go while we're out. Well, we use the women's bathroom if there is no gender-neutral option. This is perfectly legal in Quirksville and most women I've run into while using the facilities don't mind. But trust me, I don't hang around in there fussing with reapplying makeup or fixing my hair. Generally, what I do is start watching the traffic going to the facilities to judge any pattern of usage. Granted, this is a totally random thing but it does follow patterns. I used to work in retail and we use to comment on a condition we used to call the "Sheep Effect." Basically, people would stagger into the store over the course of an hour or so but none of them would ever purchase anything when there was no wait at the checkout. Then, magically, some critical level gets reached and the first customer takes their purchase to the register. Then the next person comes up before the first customer is completed. Then the third customer stands in line quickly followed by everyone else in the store until there are only 1 or 2 people not in line. We figured that people actually wanted to stand in line. Maybe just so they would have something to complain about. Who knows?

So before the expedition to the ATM, I had to use the facilities. I saw what I thought was a lull in the traffic and made my way there. This bathroom was unusually small for such a large restaurant having only 2 stalls available. Luckily, I timed it right and the facilities were clear. But on the way out, I didn't hang around to touch-up so I paid for that decision by having dry-feeling lips and flatish, unkempt hair distracting me from fully articulating my consonants to Jackie and Lou. A severe blow to my already low level of girl confidence.

Now, for me, one of the worst social conditions existed at that table. I was sitting next to Erin on my left who had Lou on her left, which left the only open seat at the table to my right. Argh! Right smack there next to me and I have nowhere to hide or landmarks to stare at. Worse yet, I'll have to converse. My usual personna, Bubba, has all kinds of security issues when talking to attractive women so it isn't hard to imagine that if you throw on non-Bubba attire, Gwnn's going to have problems talking to just about everybody.

The Introduction to Lou

So here we are... Erin and I are sitting in one of the most upscale bars in Quirksville (btw, thanks QueenOfSky for the Quirksville moniker... I think it's a perfect description of our little town). Erin, stares at me whimsically, watching as I had my 5th straight panic attack in less than 45 mins.

"So when are you going to go to the ATM so I can order another drink?"

I answer while sitting on my shaking hands wishing so badly that the shaking had more to do with the consumption of alcohol than my most recent panic attack.

"Ok, I've lost feeling in my right foot. Let me get some blood to my feet first so I don't make a fool of myself falling on the floor," effectively delaying my departure while realizing this is close to my first time in public presenting as a girl and I'm bound to look a bit foolish to others, which was the solid foundation of the first panic attack 40 mins ago.

"You just need to do it. Get up and walk out. No one will be the wiser."

"Yah, sure..."

And so it came down to one of my first truly life changing decisions of this night: In order to get another beer, I need to get money from the ATM. But I need more beer in order to gain the confidence to walk across this elegant, westernized bar and out the doors that are actually manned by real doortrolls... An interesting catch 22...

So I decide to bite the bullet, throw myself on the grenade, screw the pooch, [insert your favorite axiom here]. There's no doubt about it. I'm never going to get through the rest of this night without our buddy Alky, so I stand up, adjust my tightish, grey pencil skirt and head to the doors.

Geez... It seems that everyone is looking (even though I know no one *really* cares.) but I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, balancing on the stilletto heel while concentrating on walking using my hips instead of leaning forward like a female neanderthal. Walking like a girl is hard...

I get to the transparent doors, the doortrolls open them before I get there and I flash my best attempt at a smile even though I know it comes off more like a dutiful acknowledgment of an unexpected favor than a real smile. I walk through, turn right and while *straining* to hear what interesting slams the doortrolls might be saying of me, I start walking down the street to the ATM (which is conveniently located past the hotel, past the restaurant and past the theater.) I pay the outrageous ATM fee and do my best to duck a few couples walking past. My god, am I really this insecure?

Concentrate on the walk. What's that guy looking at across the street? Oh, well. I'm too far away from him to tell. The doortrolls sense my presence and magically, both trolls open both doors to the bar. Ah, my first Princess Di moment...

I make it back to the table in one piece (surprisingly) and jump back up on the chair. I give Erin the green light to order some alcohol as that walk really makes me thirsty (after all, I just walked all of 250ft in stillettos, dammit!) It's about that time I notice Lou.

Lou strolls in, makes her way to the bar, says a few words to the barkeep and turns to look around (I notice her as she's an amazingly attractive woman wearing this bitchen' newsboy cap with a great jacket. Mui stylish...). Now, to my alcohol-tinged perspective, it seems that Lou then notices Erin's growing discontent with me looking for a smidgen of validation for the feat I just managed to pull off (for the record, Erin was only marginally impressed as she goes *everywhere* and a walk to the ATM is not the Odyssey that it is to me... :)

OMG, is she coming over to our table? Holy shit, she just walked up to the table. Thank god that Erin's sitting on the edge; she lives for these moments... I'll just look at... umm, that lamp. Yes, I'll look at the lamp. What a fine lamp it is...

Lou introduces herself to Erin and I do my best to look away from the lamp just long enough to see what's going on. Ack! She's going to sit down! Now I'm screwed. She's in front of the lamp. Quick! Find another landmark. The TV. It's got a basketball game on but I'll look at it anyway (not a big fan of basketball). I'm sure to Lou this just looks like aloofness but I think I feel the tingles of that 6th panic attack working its way up from my fully knotted stomach.

"Lou, this is Gwen," Erin says. Well, it's the right thing to do. Damn you Erin! Am I really ready for this?

A little background before I continue. Gwen has been going out for the better part of a year. In that time, she has made great strides from that first hotel room in Houston that she couldn't get out of to this agonizingly long, deer-in-the-headlights moment. Sitting across from me in this regular, everyday place that everyone you know takes for granted except those of us bucking the social taboos, is this gorgeous woman and she actually talks to us.

So, before I can issue my first "Hi, nice to meet you" in my best demure female voice, I'm wondering... Does she know? Of course she does. But what if she doesn't? I start hearing all of those "backhanded" compliments I've been getting lately. You know the kind. Like the homeless guy said to his homeless girlfriend, "Damn, that's the prettiest guy I've ever seen." Or from a random guy at the party, "Ya'll are the classiest girls here," while surrounded by incredibly beautiful and talented women. You wind up taking those as both a compliment and a knock, it just depends on how you feel at that immediate moment. While it's nice to be acknowledged as "pretty," it is also at the same time a bit depressing as you're: 1) obvious enough to the drunk homeless guy and 2) not receiving a compliment that you can actually file away as 100% good and without disclaimers.

Now, I'll be absolutely honest. I really don't think I fool anyone. I honestly think that when people see me, they know. They have to know. But at the same time, I know Gwnn is still a physically attractive female. I also know there are more than a few people that look and appreciate my attempts at trying to "blend" (thankfully, I'm small framed so my 5'9", 145 lbs appears feminine). And I try my best to "look the part" and I believe that people appreciate that even though they still wind up doing a few double takes every now and then.

So I'm able to get through the pleasantries without losing my wig or something equally embarrassing. And Lou is great. Erin and her start talking up a storm. Believe it or not, I actually commented to Erin earlier in the night about how cool it would be to have more company at the table with us. Lou quite literally plucked that meme from the western, firelit air and sat it down right in front of me.

So how cool is this? Can it get cooler? I lift my freshly purchased beer to take a swig and focus on the doors that serve as the gateway to the bar. In steps another amazing blonde, this time with long tresses offsetting her funky bohemian glasses and blue cashmere scarf. One word. Wow.